Q: “Are you still married?”
A: “Are you still alive?”
- The nosy neighbor, the rude date of a friend, the overreaching in-law: these bastards are everywhere.
- Use this guide to help you respond to them without giving them the satisfaction of a real answer.
- Stunned silence is an effective tool to employ when asked an inappropriate question. A protracted silence can even offer the offender the opportunity to think better of their question and possibly revoke it.
- Another tactic you can take is to brush it off with a funny comment. A ridiculous question warrants a ridiculous answer. Example: If someone asks you when you’re planning on having a baby, you can reply that the storks are on strike.
- You can also use bridging messaging to redirect the conversation to more comfortable territory.
Oh you! You know that I can’t talk about that!
I could tell you but I’d have to kill you.
I’m discreet and loyal, which is why I can’t disclose that to you, but that means I also extend the same courtesy to you with the things you tell me.
I rather not talk about that, if you don’t mind.
Can we talk about something else?
I’m not really in a place/in the mood to talk about that right now.
I’m afraid that is too private to discuss.
I’m not at liberty to say.
I’m afraid I can’t share that information with you.
I can’t believe you would ask me that!
If you forgive me for not answering, I’ll forgive you for asking me that.
Why do you think you need to know that?
When are you getting married?
I must confess that marriage has not been a priority for me so far. If something changes, I’ll be sure to let you know.
How many job interviews have you had?
Fortunately, I haven’t had any interviews. You know how they interfere with my pursuit of the contemplative life.
How much money do you make?
Enough to get by, but I could use more. Is this your way of offering to buy dinner?
Are you still single? Are you dating someone? How’s your love life?
I’m still waiting for that one perfect serial killer.
Have you lost weight?
Why? Did someone find some?
Is that gray in your hair? Are you thinking of coloring your grays?
Oh no, that’s not gray hair. I’ve been painting the ceiling and I just can’t get it out.
How old are you?
Do you mean how old am I claiming to be today?
How old do you think I am?
I don’t know - let me look at your teeth.
Witty Comebacks For Those Rude Questions You Get Asked At Parties
Some people are like walking aptitude tests. They just can't help but ask personal questions we may not be ready to answer. Instead of getting defensive or upset, the best way to have a good time - and still address the elephant brought into the room - is to respond with a funny or witty reply.