Before You Hit Send: Checklist
Choose life, bro.
“I’m a master of the words I keep in and a slave to the ones I let slip out.”
- Winston Churchill
Start Here
Use the decision tree below before you shoot off a snippy text or email. Choose life, bro.
This methodology was developed by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs (NYT Bestselling Author of Love & Respect).
This guide is a summary of his excellent book, “Before I Hit Send.”
Before You Hit Send: Is it True?
Is it true, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?
There are three ways to lie:
Give information that is not true.
Only give part of the truth, leaving out important details to warp context and meaning.
Give the whole truth mixed in with lies to confuse fact with fiction.
See: Why do people lie? Even though we’re all taught as children that lying is wrong, it’s rampant today. Dr. Eggerichs identifies many types of liars - do you recognize any of them in yourself?
Is it Kind?
People hear your words of truth, but they feel your words of kindness.
Ask yourself:
Am I addressing the issue or attacking the person?
Do you assume he or she has goodwill and is trustworthy until you know for a fact that the person is untrustworthy and lacks goodwill?
Do you seek to remain positive and affirming while addressing the concerns on the table?
Is it Necessary?
Ask yourself:
Are you providing too much information that may overwhelm or cause the recipient to tune out?
Are you reacting in anger?
Are you cornering or catching the recipient off-guard?
Are you providing or requesting information that invades the privacy of another?
Are you just venting or complaining?
Are you just filling the silence?
Is the timing and channel appropriate?
If you answered “yes” to any of the above questions, do not send.
One more thing to consider:
Is it Clear?
Having good intentions is no reason to believe others will know your meaning.
Ask yourself:
Is the recipient on the same page as me? Am I assuming they know something they don’t?
Is this short, sweet, and to the point?
Is there a clearer way of expressing this?
What will this person hear when I say it this way?
“Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind. Most of us avoid clarity because we tell ourselves that we're being kind, when what we're actually doing is being unkind and unfair. Feeding people half-truths or bullshit to make them feel better (which is almost always about making ourselves feel more comfortable) is unkind. Not getting clear with a colleague about your expectations because it feels too hard, yet holding them accountable or blaming them for not delivering is unkind. Talking about people rather than to them is unkind. This lesson can transform your life.” — Brene Brown