How to Answer "How Are You?"
I'm not sure you're prepared for the honest answer.
Reader Ms. Wildflower recently asked me the following:
“Please address: 'Hi! How are you?' Sometimes I just glare and grunt. Other times I say: 'do you have a half hour? or do you want me to lie?' Do you have any other answers to say - 'your question is a mindless reflex and I don't want to answer.'?” —wildflower
Girl! 🤣
Start Here
It’s true. Our modern-day speech has (d)evolved into a “mindless reflex.”
The lack of authenticity of the question can especially smack on bad days when you feel compelled to lie out of good manners. Not only are you having a bad day but now you have to lie about it and that somehow makes it worse.
My mama used to say that you should never tell people how you really feel in answer to this question because they will either not care or think you deserved it.
The best way to deflect this question is to reply with a trite phrase and a smile. The interaction should be over in seconds and you can get on with having a better day.
Note: For those who argue that no one is “entitled to their smiles,” I would remind you that smiles are free and have proven benefits for the wearer.
Replying with a snotty “I don’t want small talk” will not make you feel better and that person doesn’t deserve it. He/she didn’t come up with the whole “how are you" greeting thing. Yes, it’s a mindless reflex. But somewhere along the line in that person’s life was a teacher, a parent, a sibling who taught them manners in the hope that if she/he acted right, strangers wouldn’t treat their loved one like crap. It’s a small thing but life is made up of small things like this. Don’t treat their loved one like crap just because of a silly ingrained social greeting.
Talking Points
Trite Responses:
Living the dream!
Same stuff, different day!
Hanging in there.
Just taking it one day at a time.
Oh, you know, surviving.
Doing as well as can be expected.
Getting by.
Still breathing.
Funny and Playful Responses:
Better than I deserve.
If I were any better, I’d be twins.
I’d be happier than a tornado in a trailer park.
Fair to partly cloudy.
Sassy as ever.
Busy as a bee, but way less productive.
Alive and kicking, but not as high.
Just waiting for my coffee to kick in.
Like a fine wine… aging well.
On a scale of one to ten, I’m somewhere between a three and a five.
Oh, you know… living the quarantine life.
Better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.
I’m a walking work-in-progress.
Not bad for a human.
If I told you, you wouldn’t believe me.
Like a cat that just knocked over a glass of water – proud and slightly concerned.
Currently questioning my life choices, but in a fun way.
Somewhere between an existential crisis and a snack break.
Just trying to adult successfully – it’s a work in progress.
Feeling like a majestic potato, if that makes sense.
Like a piñata at a kid’s birthday party – hanging in there, but it's tough.
I’d say I’m about 70% coffee and 30% chaos today.
Powered by caffeine and a questionable amount of optimism.
Somewhere between Beyoncé confidence and a baby giraffe on roller skates.
Like a squirrel who forgot where it buried its nuts – a bit lost but optimistic.
Trying to be a ray of sunshine, but clouds keep following me.
One bad decision away from ordering pizza at 3 AM.
Like a sloth on roller skates – slow but making progress.
Somewhere between zen and flipping a table over.
Living proof that bad decisions make great stories.
I’m riding the struggle bus but I know who’s driving, so I’ll be okay.
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