How to Ask for a Divorce
It’s time we fight for our happiness.
Start Here
I’m not going to put lipstick on this pig — Divorce sucks.
Whether you’re the one asking or the one being asked: it hurts. I’m sorry you’re going through it.
Your partner will have a hard time hearing and retaining information due to emotion. Keep your sentences as short, clear, and concise as possible. Talk slowly and take pauses so they can take it in.
There is no one right answer to having this conversation. Be honest, be clear, be as kind as you can be (even if you don’t feel like it), and be firm.
Have a plan in place before you ask for a divorce. And let’s be clear—this isn’t really a request—you’re getting a divorce.
Be 100 percent sure this is what you want before you have this conversation - being wishy washy is unkind.
Talking Points
We’ve tried everything and it’s still not working. We’ve talked about this a lot and I’ve been thinking about our relationship for such a long time.
I can’t be happy in this marriage anymore. We both deserve happiness.
I know how hurt you are and how hard this will be, and I’m happy to talk with you and answer any questions you may have.
I want to do this as amicably as possible because we owe it to all of our beautiful memories together.
You have helped me grow so much and I’m always going to be grateful for our time together, but it’s time that we fight more for our individual happiness than for our marriage. I’ve learned that I can’t fight for both.
This decision hasn't been easy for me, and I understand it won't be easy for you either. However, staying in a marriage where neither of us is truly happy is not fair to either of us.
Our relationship has taught me a lot about myself, and I believe we can both take these lessons into the next chapters of our lives.
I've come to realize that our paths are leading us in different directions, and it's important for us to embrace our individual journeys.
While this is a difficult conversation, I believe it's a necessary step for both of us to find fulfillment and peace.
I hope we can support each other through this transition, just as we have supported each other through other challenges in our lives.
I am committed to ensuring that this process is as fair and respectful as possible for both of us.
Our shared experiences and memories will always hold a special place in my heart, and I hope we can look back on them with fondness rather than regret.
It's important to me that we approach this with compassion and understanding, recognizing that we are both human and deserve kindness.
What to Discuss After the Initial Divorce Conversation
After initially speaking with your spouse, you should plan on later discussing:
Housing arrangements
Pet sharing or sole ownership
How to tell friends and family members
What you both envision this process looking like
Making a schedule for how to go about moving forward
How much you both are comfortable leaning on each other for support
What you'd like your relationship to look like post-divorce
How to handle family events
How to manage events and parties with friends
Discussing boundaries you both feel comfortable with in terms of appropriate contact
Online Resources That May Help
Restored Lives offers a comprehensive range of free resources to help individuals recover from separation and divorce. This includes online courses, workshops, and downloadable guides. They also provide support for parents to help their children navigate through the changes.
Hello Divorce provides a variety of free resources, including support groups and legal information. Their platform helps individuals understand the divorce process and find emotional support through community and expert advice.
SupportGroups.com Divorce Forum
This website hosts a large and active forum specifically for divorce support, with over 48,000 members. The forum is moderated by volunteers and allows users to post their experiences and receive feedback and support from others in similar situations.
DivorceCare is a support group program that provides free, structured support groups both online and in-person. Their 13-week program is designed to help individuals heal from the pain of separation and divorce.
