How to Comfort a Friend Going Through a Divorce
"That time you confused a lesson with a soulmate."
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While divorce is common, it’s also an incredibly difficult thing to go through. It’s a billion heartbreaks ending in one forever heartache.
Use this guide to support your friend going through this difficult time.
Do NOT disparage the ex. Even if they hate the person, at one time he/she loved them. And to disparage that person is to hurt that part of your friend that remembers those golden times.
Without invalidating them and their feelings, help them focus on the happiness awaiting them in the future. Divorce is not a good time to focus on the past.
Talking Points
Forgive yourself for not knowing better at the time. Forgive yourself for giving away your power. Forgive yourself for past mistakes. You did what you had to do to survive. You did the best you could do with the information you had at the time.
You’re so strong. You left someone who did you wrong and it was someone you never that you’d leave. That’s incredibly brave - you looked beyond what you had, what you wanted and decided to chase what you needed.
With time, you’ll see that the crazy, anxious person version of you was simply a kindhearted, tender person reacting to a very unkind situation.
I know that you feel broken right now. But trust me, my friend, you are so strong. You’re holding yourself together and even though you think you will shatter at any moment, you don’t stop. You just heal. It may not be pretty or grateful, but fuck it, you keep going.
Love is not how much pain you can tolerate from your partner. You made the right decision.
You’re stuck in this miserable page in a crappy chapter, but baby, you have no idea that there is so much more to the book. You’ll realize that. Someday soon, I promise.
With divorce comes renewal. With leaving comes arriving at a healthy place. With shedding the toxic comes a brilliant new glow and a slow but steady process of rediscovering yourself. You lose the one who caused you to walk on eggshells, the one who seemed annoyed every time you tried to talk about important things, the one who always acted as if you weren’t good enough. Yet, you were chosen by them because of your natural goodness.
Divorce is okay. Starting over is okay. Moving on is okay. Saying no is okay. Being alone is okay. What’s not okay is staying somewhere where you aren’t happy, valued, or appreciated.
Letter Excerpt from “The Improbable Correspondence of Mabel and Trula”
How trite it is to write, “I’m sorry.”
I find I don’t have adequate language to comfort you in the way you deserve. So, allow me to simply say: I’m proud of you.
You took the right path (even though it was the most difficult). Thank you for choosing yourself AT LAST!
How many people mire themselves in a loveless situation based on the false hope that “things will get better?”
Sometimes optimism is dangerous that way. While it sounds like you stayed too long in an untenable situation, YOU DID GET OUT!
No more settling, my darling! Life has been (im)patiently waiting to embrace you again. Time for you to rediscover the gorgeous, brilliant, kind, creative Trula within. Lesser souls would have been extinguished under the pressure, but not you. Never you.
