How to Communicate with Different Personalities
I don't need the whole story—just the basics please.
Start Here
Picture this: You’re in your boss’s office, ready to share some big news. You’ve poured your heart into a project, and you’re excited to tell the whole story. You know, the twists and turns, how you had to think on your feet, and all the little victories along the way. But your boss? They’re a straight-shooter, get-to-the-point kind of person—classic D (Dominance) personality.
You start with the background, painting a vivid picture of how everything came together. About three sentences in, your boss cuts you off with a “Just tell me the result. Did it work or not?”
Oof. Your enthusiasm is deflated, and you realize too late they weren’t looking for a story—they just wanted the headline. If you’d known their style better, you could’ve saved them the time (and saved yourself from feeling dismissed).
This is the magic of adapting how you talk to people based on their personality. When you match your message to their style, it’s like finding the right key for a lock. The door opens, the conversation flows, and everyone walks away feeling heard and understood.
What’s This DISC Thing Anyway?
The DISC model is a simple way to understand what makes people tick. It splits personalities into four main types:
D (Dominance): Direct, driven, and results-focused. They don’t like fluff—just the facts, please.
I (Influence): Outgoing, creative, and people-oriented. They love energy and big-picture ideas.
S (Steadiness): Steady, dependable, and harmony-loving. They value relationships and stability.
C (Conscientiousness): Detail-oriented, logical, and precise. They like facts and a well-thought-out plan.
Once you know what someone’s style is, you can adjust how you communicate with them. Let me be clear: This is not about changing who YOU are—it’s about meeting them where they are so you can connect better.
How to Talk to Each DISC Personality Type
For the “Just the Facts” Boss (D - Dominance)
What They’re Like: Big-picture, goal-driven, and short on patience for long explanations.
How to Talk to Them: Be brief, be bold, and get to the point. Focus on results and let them ask for details if they want them.
Say This:
“The project reduced costs by 15%. If you’d like, I can walk you through the process we used.”
“We’ve hit our goal. Here’s what’s next on the list.”
“Let’s cut to the chase—here’s what I propose.”
“This will help us achieve [specific result] faster.”
“The numbers speak for themselves; here’s the impact.”
“I recommend we move forward with this plan—it’s the most efficient way to hit our goal.”
“This approach gives you the competitive edge we’re aiming for.”
“What do you think about these options? I’ll handle the execution once you decide.”
Scenarios and Phrases for Outside the Office:
Making Weekend Plans:
“Let’s hit the road early and tackle everything on our list. We’ll be done by noon and have the rest of the day to relax.”
“Here’s the game plan for today—let me know if there’s anything you’d change.”
Resolving Disputes:
“I know you’re frustrated. Let’s get straight to the solution.”
“How about we decide on a plan now so we can move forward?”
Chores or Home Projects:
“If we split the tasks this way, we’ll be done in no time.”
“I’ve outlined the steps to finish this project quickly and efficiently.”
For the Big Dreamer (I - Influence)
What They’re Like: Friendly, creative, and thrives on enthusiasm.
How to Talk to Them: Be upbeat and engaging. Share your excitement, and let them bounce ideas around.
Say This:
“I’m so excited about this—it’s going to make such a difference! Let me tell you the highlights.”
“You’re going to love this idea. I think it’ll really bring people together.”
“This idea is going to energize the team—I can’t wait to see how they react!”
“You’ve got such great instincts—what do you think about adding this twist?”
“I love your enthusiasm! Let’s brainstorm together to make this even better.”
“You’re amazing at rallying people around an idea—this is going to inspire them.”
“This project has the potential to be a game-changer, and I know you’ll make it shine.”
“Let’s make this fun! I think we could add a creative element here.”
Scenarios and Phrases for Outside the Office:
Planning a Get-Together:
“Let’s throw a backyard BBQ! I’ll handle the food, and you can make it the party of the year with your amazing ideas.”
“You’re the life of the party—any thoughts on how we can make this gathering extra fun?”
Encouraging Them:
“You always bring such great energy to the group. We’d be lost without your ideas.”
“Your excitement is contagious! I can’t wait to see what you come up with.”
Relaxing Together:
“Let’s plan a fun day trip. You always know how to make things exciting!”
“Want to try something new together? I bet we’ll have a blast.”
For the Steady and Reliable Friend (S - Steadiness)
What They’re Like: Calm, supportive, and values relationships over speed.
How to Talk to Them: Take your time, build trust, and focus on how everyone benefits. Avoid rushing or being pushy.
Say This:
“I know this change might feel like a lot, so I’ve outlined each step to make it manageable.”
“You’re such a calming presence—I’d love your thoughts on how we can make this transition smooth.”
“I appreciate your steady approach—let’s work together to create a clear plan.”
“I want to make sure everyone feels comfortable with the direction we’re heading.”
“You’ve always been such a reliable team member; how can we support you?”
“I know change can be challenging, so let’s take it one step at a time.”
“Your input is invaluable—I’d love to hear your perspective before we move forward.”
“Let’s make sure everyone feels heard and that this aligns with what we’ve discussed.”
Scenarios and Phrases for Outside the Office:
Planning Family Activities:
“Let’s keep it simple and make sure everyone’s comfortable. How about a family movie night?”
“I know you prefer things low-key—what do you think about a quiet dinner at home?”
Providing Reassurance:
“I’m here for you no matter what. Let me know how I can help.”
“I appreciate how thoughtful you are. You always make everyone feel so cared for.”
Handling Change:
“I know this is a big adjustment, but we’ll take it one step at a time.”
“Let’s figure out how to make this transition as smooth as possible.”
For the “Details, Please” Thinker (C - Conscientiousness)
What They’re Like: Logical, thorough, and all about the numbers.
How to Talk to Them: Give them the data and let them process it. Be prepared for follow-up questions.
Say This:
“Here’s the report with all the metrics. Let me know if you’d like a deeper breakdown.”
“I’ve mapped out a step-by-step plan to make sure we stay on track.”
“I’ve put together all the data you might need. Let me know if there’s more detail you’d like.”
“Here’s the rationale behind this decision—everything aligns with our goals.”
“I’ve mapped out the process step-by-step to ensure there’s no guesswork.”
“I value your attention to detail—can you review this to make sure we didn’t miss anything?”
“Would you prefer to focus on the risk analysis or the implementation plan first?”
“Let’s set a timeline and benchmarks to keep this organized and on track.”
Scenarios and Phrases for Outside the Office:
Planning a Vacation:
“I’ve researched the best options for our trip. Here’s a breakdown of the costs, schedule, and reviews.”
“Would you like to go over the itinerary together? I’d love your input.”
Discussing Finances or Big Decisions:
“I’ve put together a budget to help us figure this out. Let’s review it and make adjustments if needed.”
“Here’s a list of pros and cons for both options—let me know which feels more practical.”
Handling Conflict:
“I know you like having all the facts. Let’s talk through everything to make sure we’re on the same page.”
“I respect how much thought you’ve put into this. Let’s figure out the next step together.”
Tips for Identifying DISC Styles
Determining someone's DISC personality type involves observing their behaviors, preferences, and communication styles. The DISC model categorizes personality into four primary types: Dominance (D), Influence (I), Steadiness (S), and Conscientiousness (C). Here's how you can identify traits of each type:
1. Dominance (D)
Key Traits: Direct, decisive, results-oriented, confident.
How They Behave:
They take charge in conversations and decisions.
Focused on achieving goals and solving problems.
Can be impatient and may prioritize results over relationships.
How to Spot:
They often speak quickly and firmly.
Exhibit strong body language.
They ask "What?" and "When?" questions.
2. Influence (I)
Key Traits: Enthusiastic, persuasive, people-oriented, optimistic.
How They Behave:
Enjoy socializing and thrive on recognition.
Tend to be expressive, animated, and open.
May overlook details and focus on the big picture.
How to Spot:
They use a lot of gestures and maintain eye contact.
Often talk about ideas and feelings.
Ask "Who?" questions, focusing on relationships and connections.
3. Steadiness (S)
Key Traits: Calm, patient, dependable, team-oriented.
How They Behave:
They value stability and prefer consistent routines.
They are good listeners and prioritize harmony in relationships.
Tend to avoid confrontation and adapt to others’ needs.
How to Spot:
Speak in a steady, relaxed tone.
Often ask "How?" questions, focusing on process and support.
Display supportive and non-confrontational body language.
4. Conscientiousness (C)
Key Traits: Detail-oriented, analytical, cautious, precise.
How They Behave:
They value rules, structure, and accuracy.
Prefer to analyze all available information before acting.
May struggle with indecision or over-perfectionism.
How to Spot:
Speak more thoughtfully and formally.
Often ask "Why?" or "What if?" questions.
Focus on facts and logic in conversations.
Additional Tips
Observe Behavior Under Stress: People revert to their core traits when under pressure.
Listen to Language: Are they talking about tasks, people, processes, or accuracy?
Notice Pace and Energy:
Faster-paced = likely D or I.
Slower-paced = likely S or C.
Evaluate Focus:
Task-focused = D or C.
People-focused = I or S.
Avoid Stereotyping
When using DISC insights, avoid labeling or stereotyping. The goal is to adapt your communication to meet others where they are, not to box them into a fixed category.
If you need a tool for assessing someone's DISC profile in a structured way, there are assessments available online, but casual observation can often give you a good sense of their tendencies.
very useful! Good reminder.