How to Deliver Bad News

They will not care to know, until they know you care.

Feb 27, 2024

Start Here

Delivering bad news is a tricky operation that must done with empathy, patience, and sensitivity.
These types of messages must include the following elements:
- Straight, easy-to-understand summary of the bad news.
- An acknowledgment of the pain/inconvenience.
- Information about what they can do about it (what’s in their control) or what someone is doing about it.
Deliver it in person if possible - it’s so much easier to create an emotional connection with someone face to face.
Listen to understand - the simple act of listening goes a long way to expressing empathy.
Talk a beat slower - you’ll want to speak faster, but their brains will have difficulty keeping up with you.
Use the Rule of Threes - our brains have a much easier time taking in and retaining information when it’s presented in three main points.
Be honest and transparent - be vulnerable in being honest; it’s a great way to build trust in these situations.

Understanding the Brain Chemistry Behind High Emotion

Crisis and high stress change our brain chemistry. Before even attempting to talk with upset people, you need to have a basic understanding of how our brains react to stress.

Taming the Amygdala

In stressed situations, the brain sends all stimuli to the amygdala, the fight or flight center.

This was a fantastic evolution when we were still running around jungles and needed to tell the difference between a tree and a man-eating jaguar. In those moments, it was great to react first, think second. Now that we’re out of the jungles, we must tame our amygdalas when communicating in high-stress situations.

How to Tame the Amygdala

🧠Emotions must always come first, facts second.

👓Visual cues matter - we rely on visual cues even more when we are stressed.

⛔️Negative dominance theory - stress causes us to focus more on the negative than the positive.

Practice Mindfulness and Presence: Being fully present helps to calm the amygdala. Techniques such as deep breathing, focusing on the present moment, and mindfulness meditation can reduce the immediate stress response and bring a sense of calm.
Use Positive Reassurance: Positive language and reassurance can help to counteract the negative bias often triggered by stress. Highlighting strengths, past successes, and potential positive outcomes can provide a more balanced perspective.
Encourage Physical Movement: Physical movement can help to reduce tension and stress. Simple activities like walking or stretching can be suggested before or after delivering difficult news to help manage emotional responses.
Limit Overwhelming Information: When stressed, the capacity to process information is reduced. Break down information into smaller, manageable pieces and avoid overwhelming with too many details at once.
Create a Safe Environment: Ensure that the setting is comfortable and private. A safe and supportive environment can make it easier for individuals to process and respond to stressful information.
Apply Empathetic Listening: Show genuine concern and empathy through active listening. Acknowledge feelings and emotions without judgment, and validate their experience to foster a sense of understanding and support.
Use Calming Visuals: Incorporate calming visuals or environments when possible. Nature scenes, soothing colors, or a comfortable seating arrangement can help soothe the amygdala.
Engage in Solution-Focused Discussion: Focus on solutions and positive actions that can be taken. This helps shift the focus from the problem to constructive steps forward, which can be empowering and reduce feelings of helplessness.
Foster a Sense of Control: Wherever possible, give choices or involve the individual in decision-making processes. Feeling a sense of control can significantly reduce stress and anxiety.
Normalize the Stress Response: Explain that feeling stressed or overwhelmed is a normal response to difficult news. Understanding that their reactions are normal can help individuals feel less isolated with their feelings.
Use Repetition and Reassurance: Stress can impair memory, so it may be necessary to repeat information. Pairing this with reassurance that support is available can help mitigate the stress response.

Talking Points

Hi <name>, can I grab you for a quick chat?
Before we start, I want you to know that my intention is to be as supportive and transparent as possible during this conversation.
I have some difficult news.
I have something to say that may be difficult to hear.
I want to be completely honest with you, and I want to do that.
<Tell them the news in plain, easy-to-understand language>.
I know that is a lot to take in, but I’m here to listen and to answer any questions you may have.
What we’re going to do right now is <detail next steps, what they can do, what is being done>.
Whatever you are feeling - anger, sadness, confusion, betrayal - is completely understandable.
I’m here for you.
Is there someone I can call for you?
Can I get you a glass of water?
Please take the time you need to process this information.
I wish there were a way to make this easier, but it's important for you to be informed so we can discuss the next steps together.
I'm here to share some news that may significantly impact you. I'm also here to navigate this situation with you.
After I share what's happening, I'd like to hear your thoughts and feelings. Having a strong reaction is okay, and I'm here to listen.
Mh priority is to ensure you have the support and resources you need. Let's talk about what that might look like.
It's important for us to discuss some changes/challenges that are coming. I want to work through these together with you.
We can find a way forward, even though this news is hard to hear.
This situation is complex, and there might not be straightforward answers right now. But I'm committed to keeping you informed and supported.
Your well-being is a priority as we navigate this. Let's discuss how we can make this transition as smooth as possible for you.
I understand this may raise a lot of questions. I'll do my best to answer them, and we'll find the information we need together.
This is a lot to take in, and it's okay not to have all the reactions or questions right now. We can revisit this conversation whenever you're ready.
I'm here not just to deliver this news but to stand by you as we work through the implications together.
Let's focus on what we can control and plan for. Here are some steps we can consider taking in response to this news.
I want to assure you that you're not alone in this. We'll go through this together, step by step, to address any challenges that arise.