How to Read Body Language
How to Read Body Language
Read my lips (or, you know, my shoulders).
"Words express thoughts; body language reveals emotions."
— Unknown
Start Here
Nonverbal cues like facial expressions, gestures, and tone of voice speak volumes. Often more revealing than words, they offer a glimpse into true emotions and intentions.
Nonverbal communication includes:
Facial Expressions: Convey emotions like happiness, sadness, anger, surprise, fear, and disgust.
Body Language and Posture: Includes gestures, head movements, leg and feet positioning.
Eye Contact: Maintains engagement and conveys attention or hostility.
Paralanguage: Vocal elements like tone, volume, pitch, and speaking rate.
Touch: Communicates messages depending on context and relationship.
Proxemics (Personal Space): The physical distance maintained during interactions.
Context Matters
Situational Context: The meaning of a nonverbal cue can change dramatically depending on the situation. A smile during a celebration conveys joy, but the same smile during a serious meeting might be inappropriate or sarcastic.
Cultural Context: Gestures and expressions can have different meanings across cultures. For example, direct eye contact is considered respectful in some cultures but disrespectful in others.
Relational Context: The relationship between the individuals affects interpretation. A pat on the back from a close friend is supportive, while from a stranger, it may feel intrusive.
Environmental Factors: External conditions like temperature, lighting, or noise can influence body language. Crossing arms might indicate feeling cold rather than being defensive.
Establish Baseline Behavior
Observe Neutral Behavior: Spend time observing how a person behaves when they are relaxed and in a neutral setting to understand their typical nonverbal patterns.
Identify Personal Mannerisms: Recognize that everybody has unique habits. Frequent hand gestures might be a natural part of someone's communication style.
Note Preferred Body Positions: Pay attention to their usual hand placements, posture, and facial expressions when they seem comfortable.
Understand Vocal Characteristics: Notice their normal tone of voice, speaking pace, and volume to detect deviations.
💡If a colleague usually speaks quickly and loudly, a sudden shift to speaking softly and slowly during a meeting may indicate hesitation or uncertainty.
The Limbic System: Our "Honest Brain"
At the heart of our nonverbal communication lies the limbic system, often called our "honest brain." This part of the brain is responsible for our survival instincts and emotional responses. It reacts instantly to stimuli, sending signals to our bodies before we even have time to think. These reactions are genuine and hard to fake, offering valuable insights into a person's true feelings.
When uncomfortable, we might unconsciously cross our arms or shift our feet. The limbic system governs these instinctual behaviors. By observing them, we can get a glimpse of how someone is feeling beneath the surface.
Our Legs and Feet Are Our Most Honest Body Parts
According to former FBI agent and body language expert Joe Navarro, "The feet are the most honest part of the body." In his book, “What Every BODY is Saying,” Navarro explains that "because we are less aware of what our feet and legs are doing, they are less inhibited and, therefore, reveal more about what we are truly thinking or feeling."
Since we often focus on controlling our facial expressions and hand gestures, our legs and feet tend to display our genuine emotions and desires. For example, someone may appear engaged in conversation, but their feet might be pointed toward the exit, indicating a desire to leave.
Foot Direction Matters: The direction in which a person's feet are pointing can signify where their interest lies. If their feet are directed toward you, they are likely engaged. If their feet are angled away, they may be disengaged or eager to move elsewhere.
Movement: Bouncing or wiggling feet often indicate excitement, positive feelings, anxiety or physical discomfort. Context matters.
Leg Crossing: The way someone crosses their legs can signal comfort or discomfort. A relaxed cross might show ease in the situation, while tightly crossed legs could indicate defensiveness or insecurity.
Freeze, Flight, or Fight Responses: In response to stress or perceived threats, our legs and feet may react instinctively:
Freeze: Suddenly becoming still can signify fear or hesitation.
Flight: Shifting weight, pointing feet toward an exit, or making movements to leave suggest a desire to escape the situation.
Fight: Stance widening or feet firmly planted can indicate readiness to confront.
Facial Expressions: More Than Meets the Eye
The Myth of Transparency
We often assume that facial expressions are a clear window into a person's emotions—a concept known as the transparency illusion. This belief suggests that by simply observing someone's face, we can accurately discern their feelings.
Psychologist Paul Ekman, a pioneer in the study of emotions and facial expressions, notes that while certain facial expressions are universally recognized, people can and do mask their true feelings. Ekman states:
"We become adept at controlling our facial expressions to hide emotions we don't want others to see, especially in social and professional settings."
— Paul Ekman, Emotions Revealed
A study published in the Journal of Nonverbal Behavior found that individuals often overestimate their ability to read emotions from facial cues alone (Matsumoto et al., 2019).
Micro-Expressions: The Hidden Clues
Micro-expressions are brief, involuntary facial expressions that occur when a person either deliberately or unconsciously conceals an emotion. Lasting only a fraction of a second, they can reveal genuine feelings even when someone is trying to hide them.
According to Paul Ekman:
"Micro-expressions are expressions that go on and off the face in a fraction of a second and reveal a person's true emotions."
— Paul Ekman
7 Major Misconceptions About Reading Body Language
Understanding body language can greatly enhance communication, but it's essential to be aware of common misconceptions that may lead to misunderstandings. Here are eight major myths to keep in mind:
One Gesture Tells the Whole Story
Reality: No single gesture or expression definitively reveals someone's true feelings or intentions. Always consider clusters of behaviors and the context.
Facial Expressions Universally Reflect Emotions
Reality: Cultural differences significantly impact how facial expressions are displayed and interpreted. What signifies happiness in one culture may not in another.
Eye Contact Always Indicates Honesty
Reality: Both truthful and deceptive individuals may maintain or avoid eye contact. Cultural norms, personality, and situational factors influence eye behavior.
Crossing Arms Means Defensiveness
Reality: Crossed arms can indicate comfort, self-soothing, or a habitual posture, not just defensiveness or resistance.
Liars Display Obvious Nervous Behaviors
Reality: Nervousness is not exclusive to deception. Truthful people may show nervous behaviors, and liars can appear calm.
Body Language Is Universal
Reality: Nonverbal cues vary across cultures and individuals. Gestures and expressions are influenced by personal experiences and societal norms.
Mirroring Indicates Agreement or Rapport
Reality: While mirroring can build rapport, it doesn't always signify agreement. It can occur subconsciously without reflecting true feelings.
"The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn't said."
— Peter F. Drucker
References:
Ekman, P. (2003). Emotions Revealed: Recognizing Faces and Feelings to Improve Communication and Emotional Life. Owl Books.
Frank, M. G., & Svetieva, E. (2015). Microexpressions and deception. In The Oxford Handbook of Deception (pp. 227-242). Oxford University Press.
Krumhuber, E. G., & Manstead, A. S. R. (2009). Can Duchenne smiles be feigned? New evidence on felt and false smiles. Emotion, 9(6), 807–820.
Matsumoto, D., Hwang, H. S., & Frank, M. G. (2019). The body: Expressions of emotion, posture, and gait. In APA handbook of nonverbal communication (pp. 173-196). American Psychological Association.
Remland, M. S., Jones, T. S., & Brinkman, H. (2014). Interpersonal distance, body orientation, and touch: Effects of culture, gender, and age. The Journal of Social Psychology, 135(3), 281–297.
Barrett, L. F. (2017). How Emotions Are Made: The Secret Life of the Brain. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.