How to Respond to Nosy or Inappropriate Questions
Are you done with your line of questioning?
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The nosy neighbor, the rude date of a friend, the overreaching in-law: these bastards are everywhere.
Use this guide to help you respond to them without giving them the satisfaction of a real answer.
Stunned silence is an effective tool to employ when asked an inappropriate question. A protracted silence can even offer the offender the opportunity to think better of their question and possibly revoke it.
Another tactic you can take is to brush it off with a funny comment. A ridiculous question warrants a ridiculous answer. Example: If someone asks you when you’re planning on having a baby, you can reply that the storks are on strike.
If you’re in a professional setting and you want to get the conversation back on track, use bridging messaging to redirect the conversation to more appropriate territory.
Talking Points
General
Oh you! You know that I can’t talk about that!
I could tell you, but I’d have to kill you.
I’m discreet and loyal, which is why I can’t disclose that to you, but that means I also extend the same courtesy to you with the things you tell me.
I rather not talk about that if you don’t mind.
Can we talk about something else?
I’m not really in a place/in the mood to talk about that right now.
I’m afraid that is too private to discuss.
I’m not at liberty to say.
I’m afraid I can’t share that information with you.
I can’t believe you would ask me that!
If you forgive me for not answering, I’ll forgive you for asking me that.
Why do you think you need to know that?
When are you getting married?
I must confess that marriage has not been a priority for me so far. If something changes, I’ll be sure to let you know.
How many job interviews have you had?
Fortunately, I haven’t had any interviews. You know how they interfere with my pursuit of the contemplative life.
How much money do you make?
Enough to get by, but I could use more. Is this your way of offering to buy dinner?
Are you still single? Are you dating someone? How’s your love life?
I’m still waiting for that one perfect serial killer.
Have you lost weight?
Why? Did someone find some?
Is that gray in your hair? Are you thinking of coloring your grays?
Oh no, that’s not gray hair. I’ve been painting the ceiling and I just can’t get it out.
How old are you?
Do you mean how old am I claiming to be today?
How old do you think I am?
I don’t know - let me look at your teeth.