How to Validate Someone

It sounds like you've been through a lot.

Dr. Brene Brown, research professor and author on vulnerability and empathy:

"To be able to say, 'I'm not the only one. Someone else feels this too,' can be a huge relief and a source of validation."

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• We all need validation.

• Validating someone involves recognizing and affirming their feelings, thoughts, and experiences. It means acknowledging their emotions and showing understanding and acceptance without judgment.

• Listen Actively: Give your full attention to the person speaking. Avoid distractions and focus on understanding their perspective.

• Show Empathy: Try to put yourself in their shoes to understand their emotions and reactions genuinely.

• Acknowledge Their Feelings: Recognize and name the emotions they are expressing, which helps them feel understood.

• Avoid Judgement: Keep an open mind and refrain from criticizing or dismissing their experiences.

• Ask Questions: Encourage them to share more about their feelings and experiences. This shows that you are interested and value their perspective.

• Reflect Back: Paraphrase what they've said to show that you've understood it correctly.

• Normalize Their Feelings: Reassure them that their feelings or reactions are normal and understandable given the circumstances.

• Offer Support: Let them know you are there for them and willing to help in any way you can.

• The goal is to make the person feel heard, understood, and accepted. Even if you don't fully agree with their perspective, validating their emotions can help them feel supported and create space for further discussion or problem-solving if needed.

Talking Points

• I understand how you feel.

• That sounds really difficult/frustrating/upsetting.

• Your feelings make sense given the situation.

• I can see why you would feel that way.

• Thank you for sharing that with me.

• I'm here for you.

• Your emotions are valid.

• What you're going through is really tough.

• It's okay to feel this way.

• I hear you and I believe you.

• Your experience matters.

• That must have been so hard for you.

• I can imagine how challenging this is.

• You have every right to feel upset/angry/sad about this.

• I appreciate you opening up to me.

• I can see why you'd feel that way.

• Your feelings are completely valid.

• It sounds like you've been through a lot.

• I would feel the same in your situation.

• It makes sense you'd feel that way given what happened.

• I'm sorry you're going through this, but I'm here for you.

• It's okay to feel this way; many people would if they were in your shoes.

• I appreciate you telling me about this.

• I'm here if you need to talk more about it.

• That sounds incredibly challenging; you're handling it really well.

• Your reaction is completely natural under these circumstances.

• I hear what you're saying, and it makes a lot of sense.

• You're making a lot of sense, and I think anyone would feel the same.

• It's completely normal to feel this way, and you're not alone.

• I can only imagine how tough that must be for you.

• It sounds like you did the best you could with the situation.

• I admire how you’re dealing with this; it shows a lot of strength.

• Everyone has moments like these, it’s human to feel this way.

• You’ve got a lot on your plate, and you’re managing it very well.

• I respect how open you are being about your feelings.

• It's brave of you to express this; many wouldn't be able to.

• I'm proud of you for recognizing your feelings and sharing them.

“Validation builds relationships and keeps lines of communication open. It is the acknowledgment that a person’s emotions, thoughts, or actions are understandable.”

Dr. Karyn Hall, psychologist and author